Snape's Glow
by Lucky Larue
Summary: I changed the name again. The final chapter is now up. Snape deals with his vanity. I really can't say much else because I don't want to spoil the plot.
1. Chapter 1

Snape had just left the classroom. He heard the students muttering about him; he knew what they said. That he was a nasty, evil, slimy, unfair wretch. Those things were true. He didn't mind it when they said such things. But what did bother him was when they talked about Snape's hair.

Snape never thought his hair was greasy. He thought it was shiny and lustrous. When Snape got to his chambers, he looked in the mirror. "Damn what the students say; I know my hair looks good", said Snape. Snape washed his hair every single day, and he took great pride in caring for his hair. That's why he used his special treatment.

Snape took out the bottle that was inside his drawer. He squeezed some of the formula into his hand, and then gazed into the mirror as he relishingly brought the liquid up to his scalp and began to pull it through.

When he did, cheesy saxaphone music began to play, followed by a mellow hip hop beat. Snape began to sing in a high pitched scream that sounded just like Prince.

"JUST LET YOUR SOOOUULLLL GLOO, LET IT SHIIINNNEE THROUGH... FEELIN' OH SO SILKY SMOOTH. JUST LET YOUR SOOOOOOOOUUUULLLLLL GLLLOOOOOOWWWWWW... Soul Glo."

Snape finished putting in his Soul Glo and then smiled as he looked into the mirror.


	2. Further Adventures with Soul Glo

After Snape finished applying his Soul Glo, Snape stood up and went over to the fire place. Contrary to what many people believe, Snape did try to date. Snape contacted Bellatrix Lestrange.

"Severus?" asked Bellatrix.

"Hello, Bella. It has been awhile since we've seen eachother. Now that your husband's dead, I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight." said Snape. Bellatrix thought about it for a few moments, then she said yes.

Snape got dressed in his finest pea soup colored robes and he pulled out a special present for Bellatrix. It was a box of dehydrated cockroaches coated with an extremely sour flavoring. Snape put the box in his pocket and headed off to get to his date.

When Snape arrived at their meeting place, he greeted Bella with a smooth smile. Bellatrix smiled, liking what she saw. Snape pulled out the box of cockroaches. "Your favorites, Bella." he said. Bellatrix's eyes grew feverish and she snatched the box away. As she devoured roach after roach, they went for a moonlit walk.

"Bella, I've never had such a crush as I have had on you." said Snape. "Really?" said Bella, devouring the last roach. "Yes. You are an amazing, extraordinary and magnetic woman. You wow me, Bella. More now than ever." said Snape. He'd stopped walking. He put his hands on Bellatrix's upper arms and stood staring into her eyes. Snape had a look of longing his eyes. "I must kiss you!" he said. "Ok." said Bellatrix. Snape kissed her passionately. Snape felt that she was the woman of his dreams. She was a hero to him because she'd bumped off black, and he also found her very charismatic and beautiful.

Just then, Voldemort appeared.

"Severus." said Voldemort. Snape leapt away from Bellatrix. "My Lord! What are you doing here?" asked Snape, frightened. "I found out about Bella's date, and I followed her. I've been invisible." said Voldemort. "What do you want?" Snape asked.

Voldemort pulled out his wand. "What I want is to kill you. You have stolen my woman." said Voldemort. He aimed his wand at Snape's head. Snape shrieked in fear and jumped out of the way. He jumped over a fence into a graveyard. Voldemort jumped over the fence after him.

"Please, my Lord!" begged Snape, backing up with his hands up. "No. Now I will kill you for stealing Bellatrix." Voldemort sneered. "But she didn't tell me you two were dating!" Snape cried. "She shouldn't have needed to! You should have figured it out! She's too crazy to say something that lucid." said Voldemort. "Just tell me what I can do to make it up to you!" said Snape. "Forget it, Snape. I know you were a spy... there's no reason for me not to kill you!" said Voldemort. Snape burst into tears and ran like an idiot into a headstone. He fell down and then got back up and tried to run away again, Voldemort blasted the Avada Kadavera curse right at his head. It hit point blank! Snape stood perfectly still. Then Snape fell over, his nose landing first flat on the ground.

Satisfied, Voldemort turned away and led Bellatrix off down the sidewalk.

Snape slowly opened his eyes. He couldn't believe he was alive. Snape felt the place where the killing curse had struck his head, and he felt a stiff, warm section of matted hair. "The Soul Glo!" Snape thought. Years of using Soul Glo in his hair had created a shield against assault. Standing up and brushing himself off, Snape headed back to the school, feeling fine. As Snape walked off down the street, he heard the Soul Glo music begin to play.


	3. Even More Soul Glo Experiences

The next evening Snape was out walking when Remus Lupin came up to him. Snape yelled at him for being on Hogwarts grounds. "I must see Dumbledor at once, it's urgent." said Lupin. Snape just sneered. Then Lupin noticed that Snape was carrying a bottle of Soul Glo with him. "What's that? Is that a hair care treatment? My hair looks awful! I could really use that." said Lupin. Snape refused to share his Soul Glo, and started walking away. Lupin then tried to steal the bottle. He got a hold of it and Snape pulled, and they had a tug of war. Lupin finally won, and he grinned in glee. Lupin was opening the bottle when Snape bashed him over the head with a rock. Lupin grunted, but as Snape was reaching for the bottle the clouds parted and they saw the full moon. "I forgot my potion!" said Lupin.

Lupin transformed into a werewolf. He still heald the bottle. Snape was furious because he didn't want a werewolf rubbing that treatment on his fur. Snape tried to wrestle the bottle away from Lupin but Lupin slashed Snape and sent him flying backwards to the ground. Snape, agonized, looked up from the ground and saw the werewolf rubbing the treatment into his fur. Snape jumped up in rage and ran to the werewolf. Lupin roared territorily, clutching the Soul Glo out of Snape's reach. "Give me that! Give me that, you foul creature! That treatment isn't to be used for that purpose!" said Snape. But Lupin slashed Snape back down and then he jumped on Snape. Lupin bit his throat. Snape screamed; he knew now that he would become a werewolf.

Lupin ran off into the night holding the Soul Glo. Snape stayed on the ground, crying.


	4. Chapter 4

So here we are people, the end of the stretch, the end of Snape's Soul Glo Saga. Don't tell me I'm the only one who knows the Soul Glo theme song? From Coming to America. SOOOUUULLL GLLOOOOO, feelin' oh so silky smooth. _Sigh_, no one understands but me.

* * *

Severus Snape only got off the ground after he found himself transforming into a werewolf. "AWOOOOOOO!" Snape called.

Off in the distance, Lupin stopped loping off with Snape's Soul Glo bottle and the werewolf turned around. He saw Snape's werewolf form standing under the moon, howling.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Snape cried woefully. Lupin ran to him because werewolves are always desperate for the company of their own kind. Lupin had a smile on his face when he reached Snape. Snape looked at Lupin, and Lupin looked back into SNape's eyes. Snape started sniffing Lupin's face. Snape caught whiff of the Soul Glo which shined through Lupin's fur, and something clicked in Snape's wolfen mind. With a ferocious roar, Snape pounced on Lupin as the Soul Glo music began to play. They fought in slow-motion, Snape ripping and Slashing at Lupin who he now had the upper paw over. The Soul Glo flew out of Lupin's paw and flew through the moonlight, landing in the grass. Snape knew he had to finish this; Lupin would never leave his treatment alone! So Snape bit down hard, ripping out Lupin's jugular. Lupin lay, limp as a fish, his dead eyes staring towards the moon. Snape, feeling hungry, then ate Lupin.

After eating Lupin, Snape wondered in circles for a for a few minutes before he remembered his treatement. He picked it up, rubbed it through his coat and walked off towards the castle.

The Soul Glo saxaphone music continued to play as Snape knocked at the castle door. The music stopped as Filch opened up the door and screamed. Filch took out his shotgun and spat on the ground, then screwed up his face. "We don't take kindly to werewolves here!" said Filch, and he fired a shot at Snape. Snape flew backwards, hitting the ground, but got back up quickly. "Oh, dang it!" said Filch, shocked. He slammed the door but before he could lock it, Snape flew through it like a bullet.

Snape ran through the halls, running on the walls as well as the floor and knocking over Colin Creevy who was up for a midnight snack, untill he reached Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore opened the door.

"Severus! Is that you?" asked Dumbledore.

"Roooaaarrrr!" said Snape.

Dumbledore could see the blood on Snape's maw. "Oh, oh, my God. I always feared this day would come..." said Dumbledore. He backed up into his office and unlocked a drawer in his desk. Dumbledore shakily pulled out a handgun started to load it with a silver bullet. "I'm sorry, Severus, but I've got no choice!" said Dumbledore. Dumbledore aimed the gun at Snape.

"Rooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." said Snape, as the bullet pierced through him. Snape flew backwards and hit the wall.

Dumbledore sadly walked over to Snape as Snape transformed back into his human form. Dumbledore picked up the bottle of Soul Glo and shook his head. "Somehow, I know this was all over a bottle of Soul Glo." said Dumbledore.

Just then, Snape blinked his eyes. "Severus?" said Dumbledore. "Headmaster Dumbledore? I'm still alive!" said Snape. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with tears of happiness. "Severus! Let me help you up. But I can't understand how you survived being shot point blank with a silver bullet..." said Dumbledore. But Snape knew it was the Soul Glo he'd put in his fir. He pointed at the bottle in Dumbledore's hand. "I think that my hair treatment has something to do with it." Snape said, proudly.

"Really? You know before today, I didn't know you cared for your hair at all. I'm proud of you, Severus." said Dumbledore. "Thank you, Headmaster." said Snape. Snape took his bottle of Soul Glo and put it in his pocket. He walked off down the hall. Snape was totally prepared for a new silky smooth day.

The end.


End file.
